he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
