4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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