Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
