WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
