we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
