There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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