The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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