hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
