first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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