Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
