I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
