it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
