god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
