After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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