Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
