I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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