I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
