and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
