i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
