I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
