Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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