I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
