It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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