Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
