God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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