i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
