I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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