he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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