You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
