i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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