K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
