watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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