1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
