yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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