somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the day after is always just damage control
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
