listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
