I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
