I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
