I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
