I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
