she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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