why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
