I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Someone signed my nipple.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
