I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
