I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
did you just send me my own nude
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
