Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
