Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
