Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
