i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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