I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
