i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
