And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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