Don't make out with my wife yet
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
this is an emotional support booty call
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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