Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
