I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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