you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
